In all honesty, I never thought I would be here. Not a college graduate still living at home. Not in this job I’ve been blessed with, but didn’t really know how to do. Actually I never thought I would be back at the church I was dedicated in as a child, being discipled by a group of Christian women I am proud to call my friends. And yet, here I am in this small town that I have always called home feeling blessed and stuck at the same time. I am so thankful for all God has taught me since graduating and the time I’ve had to deepen my relationship with my parents, but this doesn’t discount the restlessness I hold in my heart. I am in mid-step, afraid to not step away from home and yet I am also afraid to step into the unknown. So I stand here frozen with one leg glued to safety while my heart yearns for something more.

This is not where I thought I would be, and so for months I have allowed fear and the failure I already feel consume me. Starting today though, my prayer is changing. (And believe me it’s taken me a good while to get here). I had been praying, “Oh Lord please tell me what’s next!” Which in my heart translates to, “Lord, show me a way out!” And that is not how I need to look at this season of my life. So, today, it is now, “Lord what is it you want me to learn while I’m here? You clearly have me here for a reason and a season so help me to make it according to your will and not my feelings. And when the day comes, help me to fully step into the next season with confidence, courage and no hesitation.”

I don’t know the next season God has for me, but I do know he is preparing me everyday if I allow Him. My days of my own little pity-parties are not over because I am me and I know myself. The days of wondering what is next will probably continue. But, today my prayer changes and so therefore God will begin changing my heart; showing me how I can glorify Him now, today, and every moment after, no matter the season.

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About C

A creative, hardworking professional who sees not a dead end but a mountain of possibilities in each of her endeavors.

2 responses »

  1. Maggie Cude says:

    Catie, I am so proud of you for this. And I’m so glad that this wasn’t an easy thing for you because it’s easy to just say something. When we labor with something, however, we are much more likely to make an honest assessment, as you have done here.

    I will be praying for you as you move forward with this. And I will also be prayerful in my attempt to re-prioritize my conversations with God.

    I love you!

  2. stlotto05 says:

    Most would probably say taking those big risks into uncharted territory is unsettling. I’m sure there are those who dive in to those situations, who get a thrill from the uncertain, but still there has to be that shred of concern around, even if they care not to admit it. It’s not easy having our lives unfold differently than we had envisioned. Then again, if we were complacent and rarely encountered detours, our normal routine might prevent us from experiencing God’s glory in ways we never imagined.

    I’ve been around home most of my life, with the exception of a move back & forth to Mississippi for college and time spent over a few semesters in Murray. Personally, it’s easy for me to say I want to be on my own because so many people around this age either are at that point, or have been for an extended amount of time now. Running the risk of sounding cliche, I believe there’s a time and reason for everything. Leaving the nest is usually heavily anticipated, a sentiment I can relate to. Having been around longer than I anticipated, with unexpected health issues from each of my parents I’ve been able to help in a greater capacity than if I were not around consistently.

    Seasons change, and chances are what you are experiencing today is not what you’ll experience next week, next month, or next year. Even though you admit and say you probably will, don’t dwell on the “could’ve been” and “should’ve been” in life. Look around and see what is here & now and how you can make the most of that. We’ve been given the best gift of all from God, but He is gracious enough to also share with us awesome gifts we don’t always see. We’re always told life is fast-paced, but it doesn’t mean now & again we can’t slow down and marvel in the glory of the moment which He has granted us while praising Him for it!

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